… for a woman that is darker than the society’s popular culture standards. And you don’t require any cosmetics because we can’t make it in your tone of color since you’re not our targeted market. Yet somehow, you managed to grace our presence by dressing in non-threaten wear and we observed with our naked eye that you are in fact a woman of high standards, even thought the texture of your skin isn’t up to popular culture standards.
Yes, White people. This is what you sound like when you say “you’re pretty for a Black girl.”
I will now start saying (to white women that thinks this way) “well, you’re pretty by society standards. If you modify yourself to that of Hallie Berry, I might consider you by the standards of your White door keepers of popular culture ‘fuckable’”
(I’m wrong for this, I know. But so are they!)
Yesterday, we reblogged this post of Black mothers having to work harder because if their children is not upkept, they can have their mothering questioned. And we are modeling this blog into a general platform to talk about the daily struggles of American PoC.
However, we find it more effective if we show you a live case. So, with that in mind…
Meet Ani Lacy. She’s what people would call an “unorthodox mother”. She’s a single stay at home mom to “one amazing little boy on the autism spectrum.” With her son having autism, she decided that it would be best to not have her son attend public school, opting to school him herself. Recently, Ani decided that because of problems with keeping an apartment, she would instead get an RV and school her child via road trips. Sounds like an adventurous thing to do. However, her life have been complicated a bit.
A few weeks ago, she’s been getting troubled by local authorities. It’s best if she explained it to you directly:
The next video below is of her recording the conversation between her and Child Protective services.
Can you imagine being harassed by child protection services? Can you also imagine not being able to do anything about it because the person that reported you is protected under the law? And whatever Child Protection catches Ani in a spot that could potentially have her child taken away?
We would like to help out this woman get out of her current situation. Here’s how you can help.
Donate whatever you can afford to her gofund page. Her endgame goal is $2.9K.
Also, reblog this post and if you like, add your two cents to this story. Her blog is http://thesimpleboxcar.blogspot.com/ If you can’t donate via her gofund page, please use her paypal link on her blog.
Let’s make her life a little easier.
P.S. - She have a shop on Esty and have made money via sales there. However, it’s down at the moment, maybe to focus on relocation.
I followed a lot of Black Empowerment blogs. I am trying really hard to reshape my thinking. However, I do run into… conflicts. Like this one.
What to call a Black woman to show that you’re friendly…
Some women dislike being called Sister or Sistah (This would be a reference to “we are all one”). Some people don’t like to be called Queen because they feel I put them on a higher plane, even thought it’s a reference to we are all Kings and Queens. I can’t call their daughters “Princesses”…
So that leaves me with Woman… and some takes this as an insult as well.
I can’t say “Ms.” because some people don’t like being called Ms.
In other words, there’s no universal adaption of mutual respect because of all these different values. It almost seems like there’s no mutual middle ground, even when you are coming from a place of respect.
So, poetry wise, I’m a little lost because this is coming from women I respect. I know about women that I’m close to, and they know what I mean. But how do you address a total stranger? How do you open them up?
I think the solution is simple… you let your actions speak loud.
See, the problem is body language. I feel that body language is so important in communicating your intentions. Reduce the whistling, don’t raise your eyebrows up and down, tone down the “sizing her up”. Place your hands in your pocket and keep a steady distance… and then try your approach.
I would suggest staying away from royalty lingo and stick with the “Sister” or “Ms”. If she responds that “I’m not your sister,” don’t get upset and apologize. I think by keeping a cool demeanor, you can show that you’re just trying to chat. Even better, just apologize and walk away calmly. She might think twice.
Am I saying that this is going to work all the time? Nope. But at least it shows respect. All Black women views are different, so while you can’t hit a universal note with a verbal sign of respect, you can hit it with a physical one.
And trust me, it’s way less headaches.
I followed this Humans of New York story and decided to add my voice to the aftermath of this conversation.
Dear Brandon,First off, I enjoyed your “Humans of NY” blog. I came across it when I saw a post of a Sudanese’s woman. I decided to at least follow. However, I saw a post that made me unfollow the blog, when you decided to take down this woman’s picture because the conversation has “ran it’s course.”
Now, I’m a photographer for events. I don’t change the world view with my pictures, I make money off of it. Like you, I have to ask for permission to take pictures. If I take a general shot and someone come up to me and asked to deleted it, they will HOVER over my shoulder until I delete the picture, reducing my quota. I have to respect their privacy (even thought there’s really a lack of privacy when you go to a public party, but that’s another topic). It’s content for a website.
You’re a photojournalist. In addition to creating content, you can change a lot of people’s minds with your work and stories. Sadly, you choose to censored this woman’s story because of the man, even thought it’s the woman’s story that caused you to post this. Even thought she gave you permission to tell the story.
Basically, you’re using her. And then you used your privilege as both male and white to silence her. I thought you were doing a service for her and a service for black women in general when you posted this. But no, you were doing a service for yourself and when the controversy is too hot to handle, you delete it.
See, I’m a black man. Every day, I walk out the house and hope that I will not have any problems. Not with the MTA, the taxis, the Buses, or any trivial things that usually happen in the day to day lives of us New Yorkers, but hope that the cop doesn’t stop me because my ID is expired and I don’t have the time to renew it. They can write me up for that, or maybe hold me overnight. Or that I don’t run into that one bigot (I live in Westchester, so the chances of that increases) that may decide to play “chicken” with me… with his car. (This happened one night, and I feared coming up here at nights ever since.)
I feel that you were doing a service for Humans of New York… you know ALL Humans. However, you were doing yourself a service because you feel sorry for the man.
I don’t want to make this a “black and white” issue, because you clearly seem to be universal. But it hurts my feelings when you took that image down because she represents my sister, my aunt, my niece… maybe my future wife… who are approached in this matter at least 5 times in their lives, maybe more. If a white woman gets harassed, she can talk to a cop and file a harassment report. If a black woman gets harassed… she won’t have time to file a report… because it’s DAILY!
I thought you’ll understand that there is no excuse for his behavior and you shouldn’t be defending him. You didn’t tolerate him then, why are you tolerating him now? He does not represent the entire religion, and he should be exposed for what he did.
His son had problems accepting his father’s dirty side and want to commit suicide? I have issues within my family, but I won’t threaten to kill myself over that.
Your decision is yours. It’s your blog and I don’t have a right to tell you to reconsider. However, your concern with this man more than the woman who’s the victim of his advances shows that you are no different from the many people who censored history of black people.
Sorry that I couldn’t dull my writing a bit. Usually, I’m a little more tactful. But you clearly don’t deserve the tactful persona.
P.S. - I don’t follow all blogs via Tumblr. Some blogs I follow via Google Reader because… some of y’all post too much.
My friend once again talking about Steve Harvey. God… she’s killing me.