Friend: I'm looking for a job, can you help me out?
Me: I'm looking for part-time work as well.
Friend: What you applying to so far?
Me: A runner's store position.
Friend: What qualifies you as a runner?
Friend: Seriously, you can't run a marathon at your current weight.
Me: I ran a marathon 10 pounds heavier.
Friend: When????
Me: Check my Facebook.
Friend: YOU RAN THE NYC MARATHON LAST YEAR?!?!?!?!
Me: All the emails I send you about fund raising and you didn't even donate a penny.
Friend: You RAN the marathon last year??? You... seriously?
Me: Yes.
Friend: You lied. Those are just pretty pictures.
Me: Check your email for a link.
Friend: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! YOU DID RAN IT LAST YEAR!!!!
Me: (slightly annoyed) YES.
Friend: So, you think they gonna hire you based on that fact?
Me: Not really... but chances are, when they hear I'll run it again this year, maybe.
Friend: You like to punish your body?
Me: I like to lose weight, thank you very much!
An hour before running: I don't wanna run today.
5 minutes before running: I'm pumped! Let's do this!
While running: Can't breathe... Must keep going... Run to the rythm of my music... Don't die...
5 minutes after running: Everything's awesome! I love running! I could run for the rest of my life!
An hour after running: I. Am going. To die.
